The following are actual signs and notices seen across the United States.

At a Santa Fe gas station: We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container. 

In a New York restaurant: Customers who consider our waitresses uncivil ought to see the manager. 

On the wall of a Baltimore estate: Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. --Sisters of Mercy 

On a long-established New Mexico dry cleaners: 38 years on the same spot. 

In a Los Angeles dance hall: Good clean dancing every night but Sunday. 

In a Florida maternity ward: No children allowed. 

In a New York drugstore: We dispense with accuracy. 

In the offices of a loan company: Ask about our plans for owning your home. 

In a New York medical building: Mental Health Prevention Center 

On a New York convalescent home: For the sick and tired of the Episcopal Church. 

On a Maine shop: Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and workmanship. 

At a number of military bases: Restricted to unauthorized personnel. 

On a display of "I love you only" Valentine cards: Now available in multi-packs. 

In the window of a Kentucky appliance store: Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work. 

In a funeral parlor: Ask about our layaway plan. 

In a clothing store: Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks. 

In a Tacoma, Washington men's clothing store: 15 men's wool suits, $10. They won't last an hour! 

On a shopping mall marquee: Archery Tournament -- Ears pierced 

Outside a country shop: We buy junk and sell antiques. 

In the window of an Oregon store: Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come here? 

In a Maine restaurant: Open 7 days a week and weekends. 

On a radiator repair garage: Best place to take a leak. 

In the vestry of a New England church: Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is extinguished. 

In a Pennsylvania cemetery: Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves. 

On the grounds of a public school: No trespassing without permission.