You know you're kinky when...

- You keep the Acme Hardware catalog with your other pornography.

- You were disappointed that 'The Book Of Human Bondage' wasn't.

- Sticks and stones may break your bones, but that's an acceptable risk.

- You call people other than your father "Daddy."

- Reading or hearing the word 'spanking' makes you blush.

- Your first, and favorite scout badge was for knot tying.

- You moved to Seattle so you wouldn't stand out wearing a raincoat.

- Kitchen utensils are found in your bedroom.

- You didn't know that tack shops where actually for equestrians.

- You own and use handcuffs, but aren't employed in law enforcement.

- Your contracts involve punishments, but no money.

- Your friends covet the bondage cross in your bedroom.

- You give a new song a rating of 65. It's got a good beat you can squirm to.

- You start to salivate and get aroused as you pass the local candle factory.

- You get aroused reading headlines that canning season is approaching.

- Citibank calls you because someone used your credit card to make a huge purchase at a tack shop and they know you don't own a horse.

- Your vacation plans are based on the destination's sexual deviance laws.

- Your idea of "Fantasy Island" looks far more like "Exit to Eden" than anything they showed on TV.

- They know you by name, size, and favorite colors at local leather shops.

- You need a U-Haul trailer to bring all your toys to a party.

- Your son's Boy Scout Troop thinks you are way cool because you helped them earn their merit badge for knot tying.

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